U-haul lesbians: is your child moving too fast with their partner

by | Apr 22, 2024 | Your Child's Identity | 0 comments

Moving in together, getting engaged and married, and buying your first dog can all move further up the timeline than heterosexual couples. 

While this stereotype, as a lesbian woman, can be a fun notion to discuss, it can also be harmful. If things go wrong, it can end in tears, or unhealthy emotional attachments. 

Has your daughter’s best friend become her girlfriend? Or, are you worried your child is moving too fast with her partner? We’re here to tell you the signs, as well as how to best support and advise your child.

So, what are the signs my child is moving too fast? If your child’s relationship includes any of the following in a very short space of time, you may want to keep an eye on them. 

1. Your child spends every waking moment with their partner

While it’s obviously important for every relationship to spend quality time together, it’s important to have alone time. With WLW (women lowing women) relationships, it’s common for them to have the same/intertwined groups of friends. So, even when they’re hanging out with their friends, they’re still together. 

This can lead to a strong and sometimes unhealthy attachment to each other.

What can I do?

While it’s not your place to stop your child from spending time with their partner, depending on their age, you can offer advice. If you simply tell them they’re not ‘allowed’ to spend as much time with them, they’ll likely only rebel. 

Instead, talk with them about how the relationship is going. Then, bring up the fact they spend lots of time together, and see how they feel about it. You can go from there. The important thing to remember is that your child isn’t doing anything wrong. Navigating young love is difficult. 

2. Your child has moved in with their partner very quickly

This is where the typical U-haul stereotype comes in. Some lesbian couples move in after three weeks (or even after a first date…) This is often before they even know each other properly, and can often lead to nasty, messy breakups. 

Even if your child still lives at home with you, does their partner sleep at your house every night? Do they alternate nights at each others’ houses?

What can I do?

If they haven’t yet moved in, talk with them about whether this is the best option for them. Again, approach this sensitively, as they’re likely very excited about this next step in their relationship. 

If they have already moved in together, simply make sure your child knows they can always come home to you. If they feel suffocated or overwhelmed by their relationship or partner, they have a place to go.

3. Your child has stopped hanging out with their friends as much

A lot of lesbian women describe their partner as a ‘best friend they can have sex with’. This can be damaging, as they may feel like they get both their friendly needs and romantic needs all from one person. They can then feel like they don’t need anyone else.

What can I do?

While having a relationship where you can joke around and be ‘best friends’ is lovely, it’s important to set boundaries. If your child ditches all of their friends, this can quickly turn into a toxic relationship. 

All you have to do is ask about your child’s friends: ‘I haven’t seen Jessica in a while, how is she?’ Remind them that their friends are still there, and encourage them to invite their friends over.

4. Your child is making large purchases/financial decisions with their partner.

In most relationships, these sorts of financial decisions come years down the line. However, with wlw partnerships, the notion of ‘I will be with and trust this person forever’ can certainly sink in. So why wouldn’t they trust each other with money? 

This can be kitchen appliances, technology, clothes, or even pets. However, predictably, this can lead to disaster. For example, ‘who gets to keep the air fryer?!’

What can I do?

This is where you can be a little bit more stern with your child. Ask them questions: do they really need to buy this together? Remind your child of the importance of financial security, especially if the relationship is new. 

Again, this is really only about open conversation. How does your child feel about making financial decisions with their partner?

5. Your child’s mood relies largely on their partner’s

Obviously, if their partner is upset, they are bound to be a bit upset too. But, does it consume them? Does their entire mood rely on that of their partner? This can be a sign of an unhealthy attachment to their partner. 

They may run off to their room on the phone to their partner and come back upset. Or, they may cancel all of their plans to look after/care for their partner at a very early stage in the relationship.

What can I do?

In this situation, you only need to interfere if your child seems to be in danger. For example, if the relationship is causing them stress and worry, not simply the fact they are concerned about their partner. 

All you have to do is make sure your child knows you are there. Keep checking in, let them know they do not have to tell you what is going on, but they can.

It is a difficult situation for any parent to have to navigate, especially if you’re worried your child is moving too fast. But, it can also be a joyous and lovely thing: watching your child fall in love, gaining another family member. It is so important to care for your child, just at arm’s length.